ASK DR. DISH: Getting her back
Editor’s Note: Yes, Ask Dr. Dish is back! And I’ll probably go back to posting these every Wednesday again. So if you have a burning question about anything from relationships to workplace etiquette, e-mail me at firstname.lastname@example.org.
Question: I have a problem. My ex-girlfriend of three years broke up with me but we had the best relationship — at least I thought so. We got along great, had the same values, etc. But she said she didn’t have those kinds of feelings for me anymore and just wanted to be friends. We still hang out and do everything a couple does except the intimacy stuff and we still have a great time together. I think she still does love me but is afraid. How can I win her back?
Answer: Well — (rolling up sleeves) — I have experience in this department!
I was in a long-term relationship with a guy with whom I got along great. But at some point, he did exactly what your ex-girlfriend did: he decided this wasn’t for him anymore and left.
Now at the time I was convinced he was making a mistake. Why would he leave me? We didn’t have any problems, we got along, we had the same interests. What’s going on?
Like your ex, he didn’t have “those feelings” for me anymore. As much as I tried to convince him otherwise, he stuck to his decision and, to be honest, it was the best thing for both of us.
You can’t make someone love you. They either do or they don’t. And when someone stops loving you, that’s it. No amount of begging, arguing or ice cream cakes will change that.
And let’s face it: do you really want to be with someone who doesn’t want you back? That’s the question I had to face — and the answer was no. I deserve better than that.
So I’d cut ties. If she doesn’t want to be your girlfriend anymore, you have to respect that. If it’s meant to be, maybe someday in the future your paths will cross. But for right now, let her go.
Any other advice to dish?
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