We had fo’ try dis super gourmet ‘Spam’ from Big Island

Brah, Kaunamano Farm's version stay more real-er than real Spam

When good stuff comes out, word gets around. Recently my friend Thomas told Kelli, who told Mari, who told me that Kaunamano Farm on top Hawaii Island stay selling homemade kine “Spam” now. I wuz bummed. I said, “Why you torturing me for Mari, I not going Big Island anytime soon.” But then she said, “No, they’ll ship it to you. Overnight.” 

Next ting you know, I wuz on top da computer, brah. One pound of Chef Keoni’s House-Made Spam set me back $14.99. An’den da FedEx shipping wuz going be $5.30. Plus had regular tax and da Honolulu county tax, making this definitely da most expensive “Spam” I ever bought. (They do have da deals where if you spend $75 or more then you get free shipping anyplace in Hawaii!) Typically da orders go out on Wednesdays and you get ’em by Thursday. Sometimes stay outta stock so you always gotta keep checking.

My anticipation for this wuz high. Cuz several years ago I had some friends who tried making their own homemade luncheon meat, which wuz supposed to taste better than regular Spam. But hearing how much hard work it wuz for make ’em made me neva eva wanna try making it myself. I wouldn’t have minded trying some, but.

Would Kaunamano Spam taste as good as Spam Spam? While I waited for my Thursday to come, I read up on Kaunamano Farm. I love that their mission is for build  Hawaii’s food resiliency. On top their farm in Honokaa they raise Royal Berkshire hogs, da kine das world renowned for being super marbled with fat. I also found out that they use sustainable kine practices where da herd is all pasture-raise and da pigs is all hormone- and antibiotic-free. Since by buying this I wuz also helping Hawaii, I never mind da price so much any more. But it better taste good, right.

See also: Broke da mouth: Da Spam power rankings

Ho, da ting came fast!

I wuz so excited when da FedEx box came that I never even bring ’em in da house. I opened ’em right outside. Lol. I wuz kinda worried about how good da packing would be but everyting wuz pretty well thought out. Da Spam itself wuz vacuumed-sealed in plastic. And in da box had some ice packs, plus it came encased in some nice special natural fiber insulation so da luncheon meat wuz still cold! 

Came cold and vacuumed-packed for freshness!

I had already cooked beef broccoli for dinner, but when da family saw what I wuz bringing inside da house, they asked, “Oooh, what dat?” So I ended up having to put away da dinner in da fridge. And our new dinner became Chef Keoni’s House-Made Spam and rice. Good ting I made rice.

You get slightly more luncheon meat with dis Spam. It’s 16 ounces versus 12 ounces when you buy regular Hormel Spam. When I cut open da bag it had one nice smell. Like salted meat. I noticed that dis one wuz more dense than regular Spam and not as easy to cut.

See also: Iyasume makes up to 23 kinds of Spam musubi

When you slice ’em, you can see da difference!

I fried up some slices and I gotta say, it not only lived up to my expectations, it exceeded my expectations! Texture-wise this wuz more coarse, more akin to Portuguese sausage. And it just tasted like pure, ground, compressed, salted pork. We so used to da taste of fake processed meat, but this wuz everyting Spam should taste like. In many ways it’s more real-er than real Spam.

Honokaa pork, trust me, das going be one ting

They say da secret to their pork is in da super good diet they feed their pigs. Half of da pigs’ diet is grain, but da oddah half consists of organic local foods like ulu, papaya, guava, star fruit, Okinawan sweet potato, macadamia nut and banana, which they claim makes their pork “arguably the best pork in the entire world.”

Das what they say their secret is. But I tink so they must also comb da hair and massage da pig too, brah. This is some high-class Hawaiian luncheon meat. Like how Kobe stay known for beef, pretty soon da world going know Honokaa stay known for pork. Trust me, it’s that good! #nomonomoono