50 First Dates: 145 Thoughts We Had While Watching “Love Is Blind” with Netflix Party

What better time to watch strangers get engaged without ever meeting face-to-face than while practicing social distancing ourselves?

Gifs: giphy.com

Since we’re all stuck inside, a few members of the HONOLULU team (Marisa Heung, Katie Kenny, Brie Thalmann and Katrina Valcourt) grabbed some pau hana drinks and queued up Love Is Blind, Netflix’s original docu-series about single men and women who, without ever meeting face to face, get to know each other through a wall until they decide they want to spend the rest of their lives together and get engaged (usually after just a few dates).

A new browser extension for Chrome lets you sync up whatever you’re watching on Netflix with friends. It’s called Netflix Party, and all you have to do is download it, pick a show, send the link to your buddies and voilà—you’re streaming at the same time with a chat window running alongside your screen so you can share your thoughts as you watch.

Here are 145 thoughts we had while watching Season 1, Episode 1:

BT: Omg this opening—so melodramatic.

MH: Where are they all looking?

KV: To the FUTURE

BT: It DOES feel like the start to The Bachelor!

KV: How short is he?

MH: Wesley, come to Hawai‘i. There are plenty of short people here.

KV: Man, they are dressed up for never actually getting to see their dates.

BT: So many bodycon dresses! There must be a lotta Spanx going on!

KV: OK but they picked good looking people …

KK: This is very high tech. Is this a show from South Korea?

MH: Psh, it wishes it was The Masked Singer.

KV: I feel like this is too not serious, like they know they can cancel. I’d be like, sure I’ll do it, and boom I’m engaged. Then I see him and I’m like nahhh. What are you gonna do, sue me?

BT: Are there no Asian guys? They need blind love too!

KK: Yeah where are the Asians?

MH: I agree, needs more Asians. Maybe only one guy is allowed to have height issues.

KV: EVERYONE WANTS A PERFECT MARRIAGE, JESSICA.

KK: It seems that these people are actually regular lovely people so far. As in they’re not picked for drama. I may take this back later.

KV: It’s only been 10 minutes.

MH: Wow this is my ideal first date.

KV: No eye contact, lots of vodka.

MH: I could be drunk, talk and play Pokémon at the same time.

KK: Have you seen Love Island? The Bachelor? Married at First Sight?

KV: I don’t watch shows like this ever.

MH: Me neither.

KK: Well the people on them are trainwrecks and it’s a bit hard to watch. These people seem like they would be people we know.

KV: Their “connection” is just that they’re both from Chicago. You could find that by dating people in Chicago.

BT: Wait so do they all get to meet everyone or are they only paired up with certain people?

KV: I think they meet everyone.

MH: That guy wearing the suit … why?

KK: Why’s he sitting like that?

MH: To assert his dominance.

KV: Wow, assuming she will cook for him, mmhmm.

MH: $10 he’s just doodling in his Moleskine.

BT: He wrote down SALMON! He is too low energy.

KK: I don’t see it with them.

MH: I wonder if there’s a time limit for how long the date goes.

BT: He was just the warmup.

MH: LOL this is not going well. THANK U, NEXT.

KV: This guy looks like a cuter Michael Phelps.

BT: They look like they could be brother and sister!

MH: His eyes have no emotion.

BT: I like that he’s focusing on her and not just taking notes.

BT: Ooh no, Jessica is back.

MH: That’s a great question: What’s the weirdest thing about you?

KK: Why is her voice becoming more babylike???

MH: She seems like the kind of lady who would send a cocktail back multiple times.

KV: This isn’t gonna happen. Her voice is NOT sexy.

MH: Clearly he has specific tastes.

BT: C’mon Cameron, down a Red Bull or something!

MH: Poor Diamond, the name wasn’t her choice.

KV: Haha I like Diamond, she’s got no time for this BS.

MH: She did not choose the Diamond life.

KK: Who is he?? He is mean but hilarious.

BT: Oh! He dug out!

KV: I want them to fight over the guys.

BT: I would like to vote Jessica off the island.

MH: I don’t understand the bald head + beard look.

KV: What if you’re like NOPE to everyone?

BT: Hey this seems like a good match so far.

KK: Look at him pacing! He’s excited.

MH: How come only the women’s rooms have blankets? Oh no, jk. The men just don’t need them.

BT: Day 2 is casual dress day apparently.

MH: “You’re Impressive as hell.” “I knooooooow!”

BT: They were smart to liquor everybody up.

KK: Why are all the guys in love with baby voice?

BT: #idontneedyoursperm

MH: Preach.

KV: “I love my family.” “I love my family too omg!” Ugh.

KK: Is she drunk?

MH: Most definitely.

KV: They’re both pretty drunk.

BT: OK reality check people, you are in two totally different life stages.

KV: There is alcohol in every shot of this show.

MH: UGH. THAT SHIRT.

KK: Am I the only one noticing that with women she sounds normal and with men she’s babylike?

KV: She’s totally using a baby voice and I hate it.

MH: I feel like that’s not that odd. I’ve heard of the “girlfriend voice.”

KK: No but this is extreme.

MH: Dudes seem to be eating it up, though.

KV: The guys are totally spreading out, super chill, loving all the attention. The girls are still all cross legged and bundled up, nervous.

MH: ’Cause they’re wearing dresses and are freezing cold. I don’t trust this Cameron.

KV: Ugh, who says I love you on, what is this, Day 4?

BT: Whaaaaaattttt?

KV: NO YOU DON’T!

KK: No I think they think it.

KV: This is what being on TV does to you.

MH: Definitely. Drunk.

KK: Look how red they are.

KV: You’re in the most controlled environment with no outside influences of any kind, no situational reactions, no deep connections.

BT: Omg I hope they make it!

MH: Ummm … Lauren, you don’t know everything about him.

BT: All the producers are high fiving right now.

KV: I’m waiting for a bombshell to drop.

MH: Ohhh I wonder if any are divorced? There’s gotta be more.

KV: This is just like Catfish.

MH: There again with the wine.

KV: That was a BIG glass.

MH: He went through a pansexual phase? His big secret was gender fluidity.

KV: That’s not a big enough bombshell. I need more drama.

KK: Are we missing dates in between here??

KV: I sure hope so ’cause this is shallow as hell.

BT: Take off your love goggles, girl!

MH: He reminds me of Oscar Isaac.

KK: Of all the girls … the boys are gonna fight over Jessica?

MH: Da baby voice, guys. I’m going to try it on Ryan tonight.

KK: I’m going to do a phone call date and do a baby voice.

MH: Katie, just pretend you’re talking to your dog.

BT: Be careful, you might get engaged tonight.

KK: You’ll all be bridesmaids.

MH: I would be honored :’)

BT: This show must be sponsored by a blanket company.

KV: What else do they do all day when they’re not dating?

BT: Cameron reminds me of Serena Williams’ husband.

MH: Why do all these guys look like knockoff clones of famous actors?

KV: Omg this is emotional.

KK: Oh Jesus.

BT: Auggh he’s proposing! Team Laumeron!

KV: THIS IS BS.

MH: He looks like black market James McAvoy.

KK: I mean it’s weird as hell but I do kinda like them.

KV: They don’t even know what they’re like on the weekends. Like, I’m a totally different person on the weekends.

KK: I’m a totally different person at home! My Caucasian side comes out outside and then my Asian side comes out at home.

BT: Did she even get to talk to all the guys yet?

MH: In the words of my mom: “When you know, you know.”

KV: The girls are not happy for each other, those are fake hugs.

KK: “Are you mad at me?” “I’m so cute!”

KV: Thank goodness they’re having some kind of trouble. How they react is a big deal.

KV: Is he sleeping?

MH: Dude, with that much alcohol I’d be passed out mid sentence.

KK: I’m actually offended by her voice as a woman in 2020.

BT: “If there were no other girls I’d propose to you tomorrow”—wtf is that?

MH: Seriously, he knows how to compliment a girl.

KV: Who bought that ring?? Netflix?

BT: Holy cow, they’re about to meet? This moment must be so scary.

KK: I want to take a screenshot of his reaction.

MH: Yeah, I’d be nauseous too.

BT: She is gorgeous so she has nothing to worry about.

KK: No I mean he might become so intimidated by her.

KV: He’s like a large leprechaun in that green shirt.

MH: NOOOOOOO!

KV: IS IT OVER?

KK: NOOOOOOOO!

MH: DAMN YOU, NETFLIX!

P.S.: If you’re going on any virtual first dates while on lockdown, please tell us about it! Find our submission guidelines here and email your date to us at web@honolulumagazine.com and you may be featured on our blog, 50 First Dates.