‘Hawaii Five-O’ Recap: ‘Kalele’

I’m getting worried. It was bad enough when white hairs became more plentiful on my scalp, my body ached after a few hours of basketball, and I had soup for dinner. Yes, soup, and not even a hearty one. And now, the primary reason why I enjoyed two of my favorite episodes of “Hawaii Five-0” are because of guest appearances by a 70-year-old (James Caan in the last episode “Lekio”) and now an octogenarian? I’m afraid I’m creeping into that advertising demographic that’s targeted for dysfunction of key body parts and teeth you have to glue in.

Well, I can deny my age, but I can’t deny that Ed Asner, all 81 years of him, absolutely rocked Monday’s episode. The producers brilliantly brought on Asner to play the same character he portrayed in the original series, a ruthless diamond smuggler named August March. In this episode, March has just been released after spending more than 30 years in prison and is called upon to assist the 5-0 team in a diamond smuggling case. Asner is a veteran and plays up the adorable grandpa angle, but you know there’s always something sinister going on in his mind. Asner, along with appearances by Jason Scott Lee and Tom Sizemore, made “Kalele” one of the most memorable episodes yet.

Here’s this week’s look at The Good, The Bad and The Weird.

The Good

• McGarrett teaching Danno proper wave etiquette. Unfortunately, the local rules are probably still misunderstood by most tourists despite how many TV shows and movies set in Hawaii try to explain them. When in Rome…
• When I first saw Taryn Manning back as McGarrett’s sister, Mary, I let out an audible “ugh.” I couldn’t stand her character in Season 1, but strangely, she grew on me in this episode. Maybe it was the raspy voice or probably more likely, the flight attendant uniform. Either way, she got a lot cuter.
• Danno copying McGarrett by sticking his board in the sand. The smile he had after doing it made me literally laugh out loud.
• Great guest appearances. I already talked about how much I loved Asner. But Sizemore reprised his hard-boiled Captain Fryer character, and the creepy guy from the “Final Destination” movies also did a great job. And of course there was…
• Jason Scott Lee. I admit it. I’ve had a man crush ever since “Dragon: The Bruce Lee Story.” JSL is the man, and I didn’t expect him to be in this episode, so his appearance was a very pleasant surprise as he also reprised a character from earlier this season. Something about that weird accent he speaks with is so alluring. I really wouldn’t mind if they replaced Wo Fat with JSL’s dirty cop character as the main villain in the series going forward.
• Lots of genuinely local-looking extras with speaking parts this episode. The TSA guard had some really good lines, and most of the other speaking roles were played by people who if weren’t really local, at least looked the part.
• August March is a cool name. I wonder if other combinations of months of the year would sound as cool. December May?
• Genius idea of integrating the footage from the original episode when Asner appeared into the new one. Loved it.
• “I’m gonna need that diamond back.” – Kono to March as he attempts to walk away with a diamond. Smooth.
• The trick ending. Brilliant.

The Bad

• What’s up with Danno in the opening scene? He disrespects local surfing rules, hates on Spam, disapproves of the word “pupu,” then drags his board through the sand? Was he deliberately trying to annoy the local audience?
• Was McGarrett wearing slippers in his house?
• McGarrett’s sister Mary said she met her friend, Angela, just three months ago, and she helped her get a job as a flight attendant. Sorry, it doesn’t work that fast. Ever heard of something called training?
• Mary describing the obviously black bad guy as “dark skinned.” Huh? What, we can’t even say “black” or “African-American” anymore? Are we that PC now?

The Weird

• The Hawaii governor has a G4 jet? I now understand Mufi’s and Neil’s motivation for seeking the job.
• “I’ve been on ice for 30 years.” – August March. At first I thought he was referring to being on drugs, then I realized he meant it as an expression of being out of the game. Honest mistake.
• Kono went to Fong’s lab to look at a diamond under a microscope, but Fong wasn’t there. I’ve done that before, creating an excuse to be somewhere where I thought someone I liked would be, only to be disappointed when they weren’t there. Kono didn’t seem disappointed, but she was sad on the inside. Trust me.