‘Hawaii Five-O’ Recap: ‘He Welo `Oihana’

Well, at least this week’s episode, “He Welo `Oihana,” was half decent. The story of Kono confronting her ex-Yakuza boyfriend about the recent discovery of a Yakuza body disposal site was thrilling, suspenseful and interesting. The other story of the episode about the geriatric Ocean’s 11 rip-off? Total snore fest. I stopped caring about Mama McG many episodes ago and it really is just a waste of airtime to try and justify her existence in the show anymore. It’s a wonder why the writers continue to shove extraneous characters down viewers’ throats when they have a hard enough time just writing compelling stories about the main four characters.

Here’s this week’s look at The Good, The Bad and The Weird.

The Good

  • Good for that extra whose suntanned bikini bottomed butt got a lingering shot during the opening scenes. How proud she must be to have her derriere on national TV. I’d be proud too if I had a butt like that… and was a female.
  • Nice location shoot at UFC Gym. That gym was nice enough to give me a free three-month membership and I loved the facility. New equipment, clean locker rooms and the best smoothie bar ever. I highly recommend you join.
  • “Guess that makes us practically related.” – Michael Noshimuri speaking to Chin Ho about his brother Adam dating Chin Ho’s cousin Kono. That line was so stolen from the movie “True Romance.” But I guess if you’re gonna steal, it’s good to take from the best.

The Bad

  • Teasing the audience with the return of Autumn Reeser’s character Dr. Gabby Asano was not nice. Thinking she would make an appearance and then be denied was way cruel. To quote Babu from Seinfeld, the writer is a “very very bad man!”
  • Speaking of Dr. Asano, why did she wait until her scheduled arrival time to text Danno to let him know she wasn’t coming? She could have let him know 10 hours, or however long a flight from Pakistan is, earlier.
  • No one cares about your stupid microfiche, Mama McG. Absolutely no one.

The Weird

  • What was with McG’s George Clooney wannabe Caesar haircut? What is this, the ’90s?
  • Um, free tip to women. When you first feel that sign that your man is being secretive? Run. Odds are that he’s already lied to you many times before and that the feeling of suspicion you’re getting is just an accumulation of previous doubts. No good will come of it. Trust me.
  • Poor Fong, stuck in Kono’s friend zone. You never want to be the guy that the cute girl runs to when she’s in trouble with her boyfriend. I’ve been there many a time. Don’t plan on being there again.