‘Colombiana’ is a lazy effort
August is traditionally a dump month for movie studios. Films neither splashy enough for the summer season nor serious enough for the winter award season are often released in this movie wasteland period, and “Colombiana” is a perfect example. Writer and producer Luc Besson, best known for “Leon: The Professional” and “The Fifth Element,” has made a career out of churning out medium-budget action films such as “Colombiana,” but this is by far one of his worst films to date.
The film begins when we see a young Cataleya witness her parents being murdered in Colombia. She remains determined and fearless while running away from the killers and making her way to Chicago, where she meets up with her uncle. Flash forward 15 years later and Cataleya (Zoe Saldana) has become a ruthless killer for hire, acquiring hit missions from her uncle. But her ultimate goal is to go after her parents’ murderer. It’s almost like a sequel to Besson’s “Leon: The Professional,” with Cataleya replacing Mathilda as an adult finally able to take revenge for her slain family.
But somewhere in that 15-year span, the steely eyed young girl becomes a whiny and impudent woman. I’ve never seen Saldana give a noteworthy performance, and she is easily outperformed here by the child actress playing the younger version of her character. Besson must have seen some kind of star quality in Saldana, but it doesn’t manifest itself on screen.
Along with Saldana’s underwhelming performance, the film’s primary weakness is its lazy plot. There are so many ridiculous plot points that are obviously there for the sake of convenience. What was on that chip that Cataleya’s father gave to her? Is the love interest only there to allow the FBI a way to find her? How did she choose the ceiling in that random apartment to hide her weapons? How did she know that one of her victims was going to escape via that vehicle? Can dogs hear commands over a cell phone five feet away? All of these moments made me raise my eyebrow and wonder “huh?”
Certain scenes also feature random choices that don’t work or make sense. Cataleya is shown smoking a cigarette while taking a bath, yet she’s never shown smoking in any other scene. In another scene, she’s seen sucking on a lollipop, which is a blatant ripoff of other action heroes and a weak attempt to add quirk to her character. I’m normally forgiving of plot missteps in action films, but Besson doesn’t even try in “Colombia,” and that laziness is insulting.
Solid action scenes can often make a bad story and bad acting forgivable, but even the action in “Columbiana” is mediocre at best. There’s nothing fresh, and Saldana doesn’t make a convincing action star no matter how many close-up quick cuts and stuntmen are used to hide her inadequacies. I’m a big fan of parkour and always appreciate its inclusion, but even that scene is uninspiring and boring.
Besson has recently been on a career upswing with “Taken” and “From Paris with Love,” but “Colombiana” drops him back down significantly. It’s one of his laziest efforts, and it’s apparent that everyone from the producer to the actors didn’t give a damn making this movie.
“Colombiana”, 107 minutes, is rated PG-13 and now playing in theatres.
Even the trailer is ridiculous. Four times for that line? Really?
