Restaurant Guide: Restaurant Astrology

When food is in the Seventh House and Hunger aligns with Bars...

Illustration by: Andrew Catanzariti

Hey baby, what’s your food sign? You look like a groovy gourmet lover. Try our horoscope-based recommendations for some of the Islands’ best restaurants.


(March 21 to April 19)

Famous for needing to slow down, people born under Aries make for good race-car drivers. Put the brakes on, buddy! You need a tropical cocktail in each hand and a stunning sunset view. Try The Beach House Restaurant, where the potent Tikitinis ($8.75) contain coconut rum, amaretto, mango liqueur and more. If that won’t cool your engines, we don’t know what will.  5022 Lawai Road, Koloa, (Kauai), (808) 742-1424.



(April 20 to May 20)

If a stubborn, self-indulgent and comfort-seeking bull asks you, “Where’s the beef?” you just steer him—pardon the pun—to Huli Sue’s for some barbecue. This meat-lovers’ paradise has pork ribs, beef ribs, plates of mixed barbecued meats, beef brisket, Black Angus burgers and meat topped with chili. Choose your sauce from the finger lickin’ goodness in Island-inspired flavors such as crackseed or pineapple sugar cane. 64-957 Mamalahoa Highway (the Big Island), (808) 885-6268.


(May 21 to June 20)

Youthful and restless, Geminis are a classic air sign. For the actually youthful, the Lahaina Grill has a surprisingly extensive keiki menu. You won’t find stale chicken nuggets here; instead, try the sweet Kula corn chowder and a penne pasta with mini meatballs. For dessert, order a mini berry pie (the restaurant is renowned for its pie) with a goblet of 2 percent milk. 127 Lahainaluna Road (Maui) (808) 667-5117.


(June 21 to July 22)

Moody and literary-minded, a Cancer needs a dish worthy of serious contemplation. How about pan roasted venison loin, served over a wild mushroom risotto, with a fruit compote of cherries, apricots and dates and finished with a port wine reduction? Mmm. It’s $38 at Lanai City Grille. Inside the Hotel Lanai , 828 Lanai Ave., (Lanai), (808) 565-7211.


(July 23 to Aug. 22)

Ambitious, extroverted and creative, Leos are born performers. (Madonna is a famous example.) So what would an image-conscious, middle-age pop star likely order? The cold tofu salad at Panya Bistro. This dish ($10.95) features cubes of tofu served in a big bowl over crisp greens, with heaps of bean sprouts, cherry tomatoes, sliced onion, cucumbers, furikake and croutons (you just know Madonna would pick those out). Ala Moana Center, 946-6388.


(Aug. 23 to Sept. 22)

Obsessed with being organized,  a Virgo is likely to get turned on by a gadget like a label maker. And closet-organization showrooms? Fits of ecstasy. So take your favorite Virgo—in all his or her picky, exacting glory—to The Counter. Why? they can create made-to-order burgers using a tidy menu. Check off the type of meat (or vegetarian option), cheese, toppings, sauce and bun. Virgos will also examine the menu for examples of poor grammar, but hey, let them have their fun. Custom burgers from $8.95. Kahala Mall, 739-5100.



(Sept. 23 to Oct. 22)

This sign is known for being concerned with the needs of others, and a champion when it comes to interpersonal relationships. Both characteristics make Libras terrific hosts who might entertain at home. Chef Beverly Gannon, of the Haliimaile General Store, has a new cookbook with recipes from her restaurant, such as the Pineapple Upside-Down Cake. You can order the cookbook at For those of you who want Bev to cook instead, head to the restaurant. 900 Haliimaile Road (Maui), (808) 572-2666.


(Oct. 23 to Nov. 21)

Powerful and intensely sexual, Scorpios are likely to indulge in dessert. And because they are independent, they will not want to share said dessert, so keep your fork off their cabochon pumpkin cake ($12.95) from Merriman’s Restaurant. It’s like a spice cake, with locally grown kabocha, topped with Hawaiian-vanilla caramel sauce, spiced pumpkin seeds and rum-raisin ice cream. Even the ice cream is locally made on the Big Islands, says Beverly Kytfer, pastry chef at Merriman’s Waimea location. The cake contains no butter, she notes, because she uses olive oil instead. The cake is grilled, which makes for a sweeter pumpkin flavor, and a crunchy, yet soft, texture. 65-1227 Opelo Road (the Big Island), (808) 885-6822.


(Nov. 22 to Dec. 21)

A fire sign like Sagittarius calls for a smokin’ side dish. Try the Ca Tim Nuong ($8), a roasted eggplant, at Duc’s Bistro. “It’s a very old style of cooking, from the Southern part of Vietnam,” says the restaurant’s co-owner, Minhnga Vu. The eggplant is fire-roasted, drizzled with a spicy lime dressing and garnished with fresh herbs. For an entrée, Vu recommends the basa fish dishes for which the restaurant is known, or the Colorado lamb tenderloin curry, which she says is very popular. 1188 Maunakea Street, 531-6325.


(Dec. 22 to Jan. 19)

If you’re looking to hire a good manager, try the tenth sign, Capricorn. This sign is methodical, witty, responsible and project-oriented. On the other hand, if Capricorns get out of balance, they can turn dictatorial, so once you hire a Capricorn, be sure to check in with him or her over lunch. HONOLULU Magazine readers voted Mariposa as the Hale Aina Award-winner for best business lunch. The “composed salads,” like the Grilled Asparagus Salad or Chilled King Crab (salads run $16 to $21) seem tailor-made for the power-lunch crowd. Ala Moana Center, 951-3420.


(Jan. 20 to Feb. 18)

Attracted to movement and new concepts, an Aquarius will want to try the latest thing. The Beach Tree at the Four Seasons Resort Hualalai has just been renovated and has a new chef. This open-air, beachfront restaurant is in the hands of chef Nick Mastrascusa, who comes from the Four Seasons New York. Zurii Mershant, in the resort’s marketing and sales department, reports that the reinvigorated Beach Tree will offer “fresh, local and seasonal cuisine for lunch and dinner,” with small, tapas-style portions of Italian and Californian cuisines. She also notes the cocktails feature fresh, locally grown fruit—try the sangria. 72-100 Kaupulehu Drive (on the Big Island), (808) 325-8000.


(Feb. 19 to March 20)

A “fish” would want to be close to the water, and you can’t get much closer than the beachside glory that is Ola at Turtle Bay Resort. Order a chilled white wine and the Kalua Pork and Goat Cheese Nachos ($7.95), garnished with Maui onion, guacamole and plum sauce. For something different, ask for the vegetarian version, which has a delicious corn relish on the nachos in lieu of the pork. 57-091 Kamehameha Highway, 293-0801.