Parent to Parent: It’s Super Mom!

Sure Superman can fly, but can he settle a fight over who’s carrot is pointier?

Illustration: Thinkstock

Perhaps it was when I was rescuing my stuck kid from the McDonald’s playscape, firefighter-style. Or maybe it was when I lifted the couch with superhuman strength to recover a lost binky. Or it could have been when I effectively halted a nasty sibling fight about whose carrot was pointier. Whatever the moment was, I realized that moms have some crazy talents. Some cool, some heroic, some disgusting—and most of them just plain ridiculous.

One of the best examples I ever saw was at a big multi-family Thanksgiving dinner party. My friend, in a split second, with motherly-instinct-spidey senses that no other human being could detect, accurately predicted the exact moment her small child was about to barf all over the floor. With speed and efficiency that would put a ninja to shame, she CAUGHT IT WITH HER BARE HANDS.

Gross? Sure. Awe-inspiringly amazeballs and hilarious? Absolutely.

I know you incredible moms out there are intelligent, capable, successful women that make this world go ‘round. But let’s take one minute to appreciate, and laugh at, all the super-dumb things we do every day as moms. I polled some friends for talents of their own. I don’t wanna toot our own horns, buuuut… TOOT TOOT! Here are a few of the gems from our chat. Behold the magnificence!

• “I can dislodge a wad of bubble gum from various body parts. Don’t ask.”
• “I developed a Hulk arm without exercise, just carrying my baby.”
• “I can MacGyver a light saber out of anything.”
• “I can find the EXACT missing piece my kid needs out of 20,000 Legos.”
• “My threatening ‘I’m gonna count to three’ voice terrifies children and grown men alike.”
• “I can handle human feces without batting an eye.”
• “I went from not cooking any meals to being able to cook five different things in one setting for my picky child.”
• “I can halt any tantrum with a fart joke.”
• “In public, I can whisper threats to my child with a smile on my face.”
• “I can solve ANY emergency with the contents of my purse.”
• “I can embarrass my daughter just by existing. It’s awesome.”
• “I can cut crusts off sandwiches at 150 crusts per hour.”
• “With my arms always full, I learned how to pick up anything with my toes.”
• “I can rattle off 10 species of dragons like it ain’t no thang….Hideous Zippleback, Monsterous Nightmare, Night Fury, Gronkle, Bewilderbeast…should I go on?”
• “I can turn ANY jeans into mom jeans, just by putting them on.”

We want to hear from you! What are YOUR great mom talents? Use #HFmomtalents and share with us on Instagram or add your power to our post on Facebook.

Ashley de Coligny is a mom of an 8-year-old future World Cup champ and a 6-year-old aspiring jedi knight (or leader of the dark side of the Force). She is a prolific writer, witty Facebook user and Macgyver-esque Halloween costume expert who is always seeking fun for the whole family, a clean spot in her mom-mobile and a moment of silence. The best parenting advice she’s ever received is “Take a hot shower and drink a glass of wine.”