Hawaiian Punch

Gym (accusingly): What happened? You haven’t been around much. You promised we’d see each other at least three times a week.

You: It’s not me, it’s you. My eyes glaze over at the thought of another 20 minutes on one of your hamster wheels or 10 more reps on a sweaty machine. I’m so bored with our routine.

Gym (sulkily): Is there someone else?

You: Actually, yes. It’s the nine-week Get KUT Kickboxing Ultimate Training program at Martial Arts Family Fitness Hawai‘i. They’re totally dedicated to me – six days a week of cardio, kickboxing, conditioning, flexibility training and individual nutritional counseling – and I feel like a lightweight champion.

Gym (wounded): Maybe the new “EZ Fit Xpress” package will get you back in my corner.

You: News flash! Getting in shape isn’t “EZ.” Your idea of personalized attention is a 20-minute sales pitch and a coupon for protein powder. I just need more commitment than that.

Gym (angrily): That's a low blow.

You: Plus, the Hapkido martial arts background I’m getting will help me defend my title for years to come.

Gym (jilted): So our future together is down for the count?

You: What, you've never seen a knockout before? 

Kickboxing Ultimate Training (KUT) Program is at Martial Arts Family Fitness-Hawai‘i, 2600 S. King Street, Suite 202 (in Puck’s Alley), 808.949.0749. More info at www.MAFFHawaii.com