Born to Rum

Police Officer: Ma’am, you’re under arrest for a DUI.

You: But officer, I’m not even driving – I’m just chillin’ here at home, mixing up some mai tais.

P.O.: Your offense is Drinking Unacceptable Intoxicants. I see you’re choking down the cheapest rum available and some crappy, grocery store mixer.

You: Yeah, but it was, uh, a good rum for my money.

P.O.: But it’s a crime against nature. Especially when you could be drinking Koloa Rum, the only rum made in Hawai‘i. It’s produced in Kalaheo, Kaua‘i, using local sugar cane, molasses, and water from Mount Wai‘ale‘ale.

You: Wow, sounds like a sure shot. How do I get some?

P.O.: The Koloa Rum Tasting Room is now open at Kaua‘i’s Kilohana Plantation. They’ve got white and gold rums available for sampling, with dark and spiced varieties coming in the next few weeks. You can have your sip straight up, or mixed with their own Kukui Brand Mai Tai Mix. It’s the only kind made with pure Maui sugar cane – which is far superior to those cheap ones made with corn syrup. (Looks disapprovingly at your dismal concoction.)

You: I guess I’m guilty as charged.

P.O.: I’m transferring your case to Kaua‘i, the only place where you can buy Koloa Rum. You can buy bottles at their Tasting Room, and can order it by the pour at selected bars and restaurants around the Garden Isle. Now don't let me catch you stirring up trouble with the cheap stuff again.

You: Yes, officer. I'll give it a shot. Or two.

Koloa Rum Destination Tasting Room & Company Store. Located in Lihue at the Kilohana Plantation, between Gaylord’s Restaurant and the Plantation Railway station. Call 808.246.8900 or visit for more info.