Night of the Living Lasagna

Could you survive three nights of raw organic vegan meals?


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(page 1 of 4)


Part I: Live Food and the Fear of Death

As I arrived home with the bag of Licious Dishes, I was seized with two fears. No. 1: That my wife was going to kill me. No. 2: That were I to survive her attempts on my life, we’d starve to death anyway.

“We’re eating takeout?” she asked.

Err, yes, live vegan take-out as a matter of fact.

“Live?”

Apparently, if you heat food to more than 115º, you kill it, I said. Surely, you want to keep the enzymes and proteins, the life-giving water, and the healthful nutrients and antioxidants of your food alive.

“It’s raw,” said Barb. It’s hard to slip anything past her.

A sunflower-seed “cheese” wrap is vegan, and none of the ingredients have been cooked over 115 degrees.


Since I was still alive, having suffered nothing more serious than the marital raised eyebrow, I set about putting dinner on the table.

I thought the bok choy mushroom “quiche” might be better if it wasn’t cold. Not wanting to kill it, I put it in the oven at the lowest possible temperature, with the oven door open. The microwave, I was sure, would guarantee instant death.

“Quiche?” asked my wife, shooting me another eyebrow. “What’s this purple brown pancake on the bottom?”

Onion bread, I said, making little quote marks in the air with my fingers around the word “bread.” I was going to have trouble writing all this stuff up, I explained, because almost everything had to be in quotation marks.

Barb refused to be diverted. “What’s in it?’

It’s a dehydrated mix of yellow onions, flax seeds, sunflower seeds, Ohsawa wheat-free organic tamari and extra-virgin olive oil.

“And on top?”

Miso paste dotted with bok choy and mushrooms, some seasonings. Nothing processed, refined, pasteurized, irradiated or genetically modified, I added helpfully. The red dot in the middle, looking like a cherry on a cake, was a sun-dried tomato.

There was a moment of suspense as she lifted a forkful.

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