Rock the Quote
10:07 a.m. – Political peril at the office coffee pot. In a pre-caffeine haze, you stumble into a heated debate about the Hawaii caucus. Now, you’re desperately tryingto remember any campaign quips to steal from the latest episodes of SNL (Lindsay Lohan’s debatable plastic surgery excluded).
“Do you think Hawaii will follow the South?" Umm. "Which candidate has more appeal to local voters?” Err. The votes are coming in and it looks like your reputation is losing by a landslide.
Turn to some strong political backers. We asked local experts Dan Boylan and Jerry Burris for five statements to spout at your next Tea Party that will prove you too have a refined ballot.
Consider this your ace in the poll.
Scene: Your know-it-all co-worker won't shut up about his candidate's latest victory in the polls/primary/debate.
You say: "Sure, (insert candidate's name here) may have won, but that's no mandate. He/she has real populist appeal and is just pandering to the masses.”
Scene: If you hear one more person praise President Obama’s speaking ability, you’ll have a fit.
You say: "He's all teleprompter. Get him off the teleprompter, and he doesn't sound so smart."
Scene: The Mitt Romney fan across from you insists his candidate and his Super PAC are not buying the election.
You say: "I'll bet you $10,000 they are!"
Scene: The first print out is in and it's a buzz kill. Your "fun" election party is crashing now that the group favorite is trailing.
You say: "It's early. (Insert candidate’s name here)'s people work for a living. They vote late in the day. Wait for the next printout. Have you made a plate yet? The mac salad's terrific."
Scene: You bet on the dark horse in the office poll. He lost by 20 percent - you're getting 100 percent of the ribbing.
You say: "The election was rigged. I demand a recount and an investigation of the Office of Elections!" (Bonus points for waving your fist while shouting.)
Bonus Tip (feel free to pass this on)
If you are ever in a room full of women, any one of whom is under the age of 65, never say:
"I don't understand what Rush said that made people so angry?"