The Sour Poi Awards 2013
Celebrating the best of the worst of 2013 — the dumb, the deranged and the indefensible.
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THANKS FOR THE MEMORIES
Honolulu lost one of its most colorful rascals in 2013 when billionaire Genshiro Kawamoto sold the bulk of his Kahala properties to A&B, presumably to focus on the tax-evasion charges facing him in Japan. We’ll miss Kawamoto, whose outlandish habits made him a perennial Sour Poi contender, whether it was giving Hawaiian families free rent in multimillion-dollar mansions, creating fanciful statuaries that annoyed his neighbors, or filling in the pools of his vacant graffiti-ridden properties with rocks. Love him or hate him, Kawamoto was never boring. (Read the full story on Kahala’s most notorious landowner.)
TO MEET UP WITH A PRIEST, A RABBI AND A MINISTER, NO DOUBT
In April, a man tried to enter Circuit Court with a bag containing two 40-ounce bottles of beer and a live duck. Michael Hubbard initially tried to run the bag through the X-ray screening machine, but when the officer got suspicious at the weirdly shaped contents on screen, he asked Hubbard to open up his bag. After initially refusing, he finally revealed his little buddy. Neither alcohol nor live animals are admitted in court, but Hubbard needed to see his court officer, so he left his duck, and his drinks, at the security checkpoint for the deputies to babysit. Afterward, he claimed the duck and the 40s again and headed down the road.
In February, a 9-year-old boy tried to rob a convenience store—not for money, but for ice cream. After entering the Kalihi store and threatening the 58-year-old clerk with a dangerous instrument, he tried to grab a treat from the ice-cream freezer. Sadly for him, the freezer was empty, and he ran from the story empty-handed. Police arrested the kid on suspicion of first-degree robbery.
Forty-three-year-old Allen James Pitts must have mistaken Waikiki for the latest Grand Theft Auto game in June when he stole a dump truck and led police on a chase around the neighborhood, smashing into two cop cars, several parking meters and a coconut tree before bailing and trying to escape into the ocean. Police arrested him about 90 minutes later, treading water off Kaimana Beach.
LOOKS LIKE WE'VE GOT OUR EXCUSE NEXT TIME OUR BOOKS ARE OVERDUE
The state public library system’s website went down in February after library staff neglected to renew the domain name. Said library spokesperson Paul Mark, “It was an honest mistake.”
A man got a nasty surprise in September when a big, red surfboard smashed through the front windshield of the car he was driving on the H-1 Freeway, narrowly missing his head. The board apparently fell from the Punahou Overpass, although no one stepped up to claim responsibility for the rogue board.