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Sour Poi Awards

Celebrating the best of the worst of 2009—the strange, the stupid and the scandalous.

(page 2 of 3)


Illustration by: Kevin Rechin

Fowl Play

Makaha resident Sandra Maloney beat a peacock to death with a baseball bat in May, in a reported attempt to drive the noisy fowl away from her condominium. "I grabbed him by the tail, and I whacked him on the head," she told KITV. The vigilante action earned Maloney a criminal charge of second-degree cruelty to animals, but she apparently wasn't the only bird assasin in her condo building—the beaten peacock was the 11th one killed on the grounds in two months.
 

Marry us!

In July, a hair salon owner and two of her employees chased down and apprehended two men who allegedly tried to drive off with their minivan. Owner Tara Madijanon kicked off her heels and sprinted after the van, grabbing onto it by the rear wiper blade. When the van stopped, she opened up the passenger side door and ripped one of the men out. “What are you doing stealing my van?” she said. “You’re going to jail.” The two men fled, but salon employee Vera Close gave chase, hitting one of the men in the back of the head with a bottle of soda. Police later arrested the men nearby.
 

That’s one way to make the news. 

Former UH Manoa student newspaper Ka Leo news editor Kris DeRego was busted in June for allegedly fabricating sources and quotes. Ka Leo printed a correction saying that the paper could not verify the existence of 29 UH students that DeRego had supposedly interviewed for 14 stories. When confronted, DeRego denied having made up imaginary student quotes, and blamed the paper’s copy editors for adding mistakes into his stories.
 

An Imperfect Storm.

Navy cruiser USS Port Royal ran aground near the Honolulu International Airport in February, causing $25 million to $40 million of damage to the ship, scarring the reef below and dumping 7,000 gallons of sewage into the surrounding waters. The skipper, Capt. John Carroll, was promptly relieved of command. The Navy Safety Investigation Board later concluded that faulty equipment, a sleep-deprived skipper and an inexperienced bridge crew led to the accident.
 

We get plenty of other oversize visitors, and you don’t hear us complaining. 

The widely beloved Oscar Mayer Weinermobile caught flack from the Outdoor Circle in July. The local nonprofit, which combats visual pollution around Honolulu, called the vehicle "a billboard on wheels that “detract[s] from Hawai‘i’s unique beauty and lower[s] the quality of life for our residents.”
 

Headstrong.

A sunbather laying on a Kauai beach got a nasty surprise in January when a family friend accidentally ran over her head with his lifted Nissan Frontier truck. The woman suffered multiple injuries, including a broken scapula and a contusion on the right side of her head, but was reportedly saved from death by a combination of the soft sand and the large size of the truck’s tires.
 

Auwe!

Hawaii got its own postal stamp last year, commemorating the 50th anniversary of statehood. Too bad it was misspelled. Local Hawaiian artist Herbert Kawainui Kane designed the stamp, but was chagrined to find that the U.S. Postal Service used an apostrophe rather than a proper okina when it spelled Hawaii on the stamp.
 

It all checked out.

A man robbed the Kalihi Bank of Hawaii in April, but not before depositing a cashier’s check made out to his real name into his own account. Police located the man within four hours based on the information, and arrested him.
 

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,January

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